For the last couple of years, I have published a weekly newsletter, called The Sean Conroy Lifeletter, about a variety of things: writing, life in Hollywood, life, the strange irritating beauty of others people… mostly navel-gazing, but hopefully stuff some people can at least relate to. One thing I thought I might start doing is posting the Lifeltter as a blog entry here on the website, in case anybody ever found it and wanted to subscribe. If that’s you, welcome! Go here to subscribe! ANd if I get really ambitious, maybe I’ll start posting the old Lifeletters too, give them a place to live. We’ll see. THere’s 69 earlier editions haha nice 69 I promise it’s not all like that almost never. Meantime, please enjoy.
June 15, 2022
The Lifeletter has obviously been on unforced hiatus. But as of today it’s been 33 years and two days since I did my first “professional” comedy show, when I appeared onstage at Grandpa Al’s Shooting Stars on Central Avenue in Yonkers, New York.
So I felt like starting it up again. Here goes.
My seventh and final year at Daniel Webster Elementary School* on Calhoun Avenue* in New Rochelle, I entered the 6th grade. That September, I experienced two deeply insignificant personal tragedies, but also did something that changed the trajectory of my life. Or at least, something I still think about from time to time.
*Daniel Webster (from New Hampshire by way of Massachusetts) and John C. Calhoun (from South Carolina)were two of the three members of the Great Triumvirate. The Great Triumvirate dominated the political landscape of the United States throughout the first half of the 19th century, as Senators, Secretaries of State, and (in Calhoun’s case) as Vice-President. Although they were all dead before it happened, their combined statesmanship was pretty instrumental in setting the table for the Civil War (though obviously far rom the only factor). Can you name the third member of the Great Triumvirate without looking it up? They were also known as the Immortal Trio, and are dead.
First, I, unlike most of my closest lifelong friends, was not named a member of the Outdoor Safety Patrol.
Tragic.
There were four public entrances to the school, open all day every day. At peak arrival and dismissal times, two Safety Patrolmen were stationed outside each entrance, making sure students didn’t jostle each other too hard, use abusive language, run, skip stairs, or do anything else that might endanger their welfare or well-being. Who better than me to be entrusted with such responsibility, and the canvas Sam Browne belt, badge, and status amongst the school population that went with it?
Others, clearly. Multiple others.
Or so my homeroom teacher, whose responsibility it was to nominate two Patrolmen Patrolpersons, felt. In her defense, she was brand-new to the school that year, and probably didn’t realize what an ideal candidate I was, or even how important and deeply prestigious the position was. Also in her defense (sort of?), she was the first teacher I had who made it clear fairly early on in our relationship that she intensely disliked me.** So maybe that dislike affected her decision? Although even as I say that, I’m guessing her hatred (yeah, it was hatred, not just dislike) of me didn’t really set in until at least mid- to late-September, so I’m guessing there were other factors.
**There were really only three I can think of who actively disliked me in my entire scholastic career, from nursery through grad school, which isn’t bad. And one of them hid it til at least our 15th, possibly 20th , reunion, and died not long after he expressed it to me, so had I not attended I might never have known.
And by the way, I don’t blame her for hating me. Having taught 6th grade myself for a while, inveterate wiseasses can be threatening and difficult. I always found them the most charming and the most fun, but I get it.
The second calamity that September was I lost the election for President of the school.
How could this be?
In 5th grade I had served my school as Vice-President. And sure, I can’t say I accomplished a lot myself during my term of office (the position was largely ceremonial, and involved a lot of attending meetings and looking interested). But it was devastating to realize how meager my support from my base actually was.
But that year I also took my first film class.
TO BE CONTINUED...
