NOVEMBER 5, 2017

SUNDAY

      I drove up to the Canadian border, and I accidentally ended up in the “Nexus” lane, which is basically Frequent Flyer club for border crossers. I am not a frequent flyer. So I was questioned intensely- why was I in that lane? (NB: “Siri told me to” is not a valid excuse). I only lied to the border guard twice, and was admitted to Canada.

This is from Granville Island, but it's in Vancouver, so even though it didn't happen til Monday I'm posting it Sunday.

This is from Granville Island, but it's in Vancouver, so even though it didn't happen til Monday I'm posting it Sunday.

      I got to perform with an improv group in Vancouver, British Columbia (that means they’re Canadian, so they like hockey and they’re always sorry about shit). They’ve been performing their show for 11 years, and they do it at a very cool space called the Fox Cabaret. I’m never at my most comfortable when meeting new people (I suppose I could have stopped at “never at my most comfortable,”) but they could not have been more friendly and welcoming. Caitlin (sp?), Ryan, Kevin, and Martin were a lot of fun, and the show was a joy. We “warmed up” before the show (not my bag, man! We’ve never “warmed up” before an ASSSSCAT show, and for The SWARM we huddle up right before we go on and all say in unison “Nooooo Doubt!”, only because I saw a documentary once about No Doubt and that’s what they would do before shows and I thought it was hilarious) with a very intimate, physical warmup that involved deep, meaningful eye contact and cheek-touching and stuff with everybody in the group, then did a first half of short form stuff and a second half of longform stuff. It was a lot of fun, and Kevin’s obscene swarm of bees is something I’ll never forget.

      In between, Evany Rosen (who also performed with us and was very funny) read from her hilarious book, What I Think Happened. You can get a copy here. Or here. Or here

      The house was packed, and people seemed to enjoy it (even the guy who sat in the front row, and immediately plunked his feet up on the stage as if he were a bored small-town sheriff). I feel like people only ever do that at improv shows (Word keeps autocorrecting “improv”  to “improve”- a message from the Universe?). If you’re at a show, don’t put your feet on the stage. My old friend John Cameron Telfer used to do a thing where he would come out and go right up to somebody who had their feet on the stage, and he would look at them in a curious and friendly manner, and say cheerfully, “Hi! Are you in show business?” And when the person invariably said no, Telfer would scream, “THEN GET YOUR FUCKING FEET OFF THE STAGE!”  And it was hilarious. Every time.


Sean ConroyComment
NOVEMBER 4, 2017

SATURDAY

      Tonight’s show was at a place called the Funhouse Theater, which was another cool space. They clearly do plays there, so there were lots of props in the greenroom, and an obscene John Mullaney quote on the greenroom mirror, and a set with a fireplace and a clown painting and fake bookcases. I did a great riff during my set where I looked at the bookcases and said something along the lines of , “Ha! Look.” Pretty brilliant. But the show, which is called Imma Leave You With This, was great, despite being a midnight show that started about 35 minutes late. Ouch! My cousin and his wife, with whom I’m staying here in Portland, came out for the show, and I always feel like a jerk when normal people end up having to stay out wayyyy later than they ever would (these guys have 3 young kids, and probably ended up finally going to bed around 3). But the show was really fun. And I got to meet a #loshopo fan, which is always fun. I won’t say who it was but he has written us several times.

 
This was a little gazebo-type thing outside the theater itself, which was great because it was POURING rain...

This was a little gazebo-type thing outside the theater itself, which was great because it was POURING rain...

Vintage Mullaney, which I didn't know until somebody pointed it out to me later on IG.

Vintage Mullaney, which I didn't know until somebody pointed it out to me later on IG.

 

      Another cool thing I did today was I went on a walking tour of Portland. Ario Lynch, another #loshopo fan who has literally been my guide to Portland, also gives walking tours for the Portland Historical Society, whose name I am undoubtedly getting wrong. But we walked around Old Town Portland and learned a lot about some of the dark stuff in Portland’s past.

      Did you know that in 1923 there were 35,000 registered KKK members living in Oregon? Did you know that starting  in 1844 it was made illegal for freed slaves to settle in the Oregon territory? That Portland took great pride, at the time, that they were the first American city to intern all their Japanese citizens after the start of World War II?  

      We also learned about crimping, which was a 19th century practice of tricking guys into signing contracts to be sailors for 4 or 5 years. They’d get guys passed out drunk, strip them naked (so they could sell their clothes), bring them on board ships and throw them in cells. When the guys woke up, they’d be told it would be no problem getting out of the cell if they just signed a piece of paper- which of course was a contract guaranteeing them $400 or $500 if they completed their length of service,  usually about four or five years. Nothing before then. And if they didn’t complete the term, they got nothing.  Crazy. But the craziest thing about it was that it was all considered legal and aboveboard, because there were contracts involved. Everybody had realized that sailing was, as Ario said, “… the worst job in the world…”- filthy, dangerous, poorly compensated,  exhausting, no health benefits, tiny 401 k donations…

      On my way home I stopped to get toothpaste at a 7-11, because I am such a good and well-prepared traveller that I always remember everything. It was 2:30 AM, freezing cold, pouring rain, and there was a guy right inside the door of the store. he saw me coming and opened the door for me, with a hearty greeting, which I returned less enthusiastically. "Good. How are you?" "Aw man, I been waiting for my ride, he said he would be here half an hour ago but he hasn't showed yet." "That sucks," I said, using a phrase that was absolutely not allowed in my house growing up, I suppose given that it implied either "cock" or "shit" or "the poison out of a rattlesnake wound." Then he went and stood right outside the door, almost as if he were waiting for me. I found what I needed, then headed outside. My new friend was right there. "You headed south?" he asked, having seen me drive up to the store heading south. "Sorry man, can't help you." As I unlocked my door, he softly, angrily shouted "I was gonna give you five bucks!"

       Next time lead with that. 

Sean ConroyComment